I constantly compare myself with others and I keep trying to change myself physically and personality wise. How can I stop this?
Only YOU can be YOU.
For some reason we’re not properly taught that we must take responsibility for ourselves. Everyone else will WANT to tell us how to look, act and live. But they don’t have to live in our shoes so their opinions don’t fucking matter much. Can you hear what I’m saying here? Does this make sense?
Nobody will EVER know what it’s like to be you, or to experience your life’s traumas, or successes.
All of the good and bad moments in your life are JUST for you.
And that’s wonderful!
So I say sit your ass down and have a serious talk with yourself.
You are now at the age where you should be “domesticating” yourself. Your parents did their shitty job because they had shitty parents, and so they did the best they could with what they had.
But hellooooooo?….. Guess what? You have the INTERNET.
The INTERNET now exists. So now you can look up the answer to any possible question, about any possible topic. Now you can learn anything yourself.
Now it’s YOUR job to take control of YOUR life.
And even if that sucks and it’s scary, it’s also AWESOME!!!!
Only ONCE you’ve DECIDED to be your own Captain will you see the power you have.
Because when we’re just a loser passenger we lie to ourselves. We pretend that we’re free from responsibility and blame… but as the passenger we suffer all of the consequences of other people’s actions, decisions, opinions, and emotions. When we sit around blaming everyone we’re basically making ourselves the victim of the whims of everyone else as well.
You can’t point fingers at mom and dad for being abusive without also choosing to be their punching bag.
Not taking responsibility sounds great “in theory” because we get to blame our parents, our friends, our teachers, our bullies, even our genetics. We pretend that nothing’s our fault and life is easy street.
But in reality we’re just a punk ass victim who’s willing to accept whatever others decide is best.
So instead be your own CAPTAIN!
Once you’re the Captain you get to make yourself responsible… you get to be the BOSS.
And that’s where your PERSONAL POWER comes from.
That’s where pride comes from.
That’s where self confidence comes from.
That’s where you become an adult who makes shit happen, instead of pretending like everyone is shitting on you.
Can you FEEL the difference?
When you blame someone else for how YOU feel, you’re saying “That person made me feel sad, therefore that person’s anger, actions, and opinions rule me and decide how I’ll feel.”
Except this isn’t true at all. This “blame others” approach leaves us victims… but make believe victims. In this needy sad place of existence we’re trying to make others responsible for us. When we point fingers we’re trying to make others responsible. Which makes us their bitch.
Pointing fingers at others, or comparing yourself to others, is the weakest place to live from.
“I’m having a shitty day because some asshole driving cut me off in traffic!” is like saying, “Some stranger who doesn’t know I even exist is controlling how I feel today, because he’s the boss of me, because i’m his little bitch.”
Making others responsible doesn’t even work. And seeking their approval doesn’t either.
Because when you waste your energy seeking everyone else approval, and opinions, you’re making yourself a victim of their mood, their choices, and their expectations.
We do this when we’re insecure and lack perspective on ourselves. When we don’t put much thought into what we’re doing it probably FEELS safer to just let someone else tell us what to do, or how to feel. Because if that person ends up being wrong we can blame them for our misfortunes, and we can then falsely live in a world without blame. But it’s also a world without self esteem, or goals, or ambition, or direction, or power.
Blaming others, asking others to make our decisions… this is just a lazy way of living as victims. Victims of what others want or how others act.
The victim mentality, which is when we blame the world for our suffering, is a mentality of comparison and a “lack of abundance.”
Deep down we see ourselves as victims and therefore constantly seek examples of how this is true. It’s a cognitive bias. Which just means we unknowingly are biased. We unknowingly seek out things that confirm what we already believe to be true, while ignoring facts or examples that contradict what we already believe.
Like when we compare ourselves to others. This is a great way to see ourselves as a victim. Because the world is SO huge that inevitably we’re going to see examples of other people who are better than us at everything and in every way.
See that beautiful thin model walking down the street? As a woman you might think “I’ll never be as beautiful or thin as that women, it’s so unfair.” Or maybe as a man you might say, “I’ll never have a girlfriend that looks that hot, it’s totally unfair.”
And of course this comparison is completely mad because OF COURSE we’re always going to lose this game of comparison, the world is just too damn big.
SO STOP IT!!
Stop the comparing. Stop the blaming others. Stop the madness!
And instead take responsibility for yourself, your life, how you feel, how you act, and what ever successes you wish to have!
Because the world is fucking HUGE, and there will ALWAYS be others better than us at EVERYTHING. So comparing ourselves to others will both make us the loser, and make us forget how completely unique and awesome we are as an individual.
It makes no sense. We can’t control others, just like we can’t control our genetics, and we can’t control the weather.
Trying to do so, and wishing things were difference, is just the inner victim avoiding responsibility and wanting to blame the universe.
But there’s another way.
Being the Captain.
Being the DRIVER!
Because then we get to stop being taken wherever the bus takes us, and instead we get to drive ourselves where ever we want to go!
You can’t change your physical self, so instead love it.
Love yourself like you would love a baby sister.
Don’t put conditions on your own self love. Don’t allow thoughts like “When I get thinner I’m going to feel soooo good about myself!” because that’s you putting conditions on your own self love. And that’s looney!!
Instead see the opposite as true.
When you love yourself fully, as you are today, in this moment, no matter your “flaws” or scars or past traumas and mistakes, you will THEN find it easier to lose that weight, or run that race, or move towards your goals.
Your true deepest self deserves that love and can only get it from you.
That’s your job!